Play by Play

So I realize this is one of those things you "had to be there" (and be really drunk) to appreciate, but... I was there so it's hilarious to me.

To give you perspective on how drunk (in all honesty I really wasn’t drunk) and adolescent we were… doing cartwheels in the hallway of someone’s apartment building 3 in the morning.



















Once outside the building we tried to pay Tom twenty bucks jump ON this plant. Absolutely no idea why… at the time seemed like a really funny idea. Tom declined the offer.















Instead… Tom made the mistake of trying to tackle me into the same plant. Not smart! After a few measly attempts it was time to teach him a lesson. I tossed him (like a rag doll I might add) through the same plant he was trying to tackle me into.














Tom not only went through the plant but ended up going through the window on the other side. From our perspective… tom gets dumb, tom gets thrown, tom goes through plant, tom disappears, tom goes through window, tom gets bloody.














Lesson learned… don’t mess with yours truly.














That's what happens man. That's what happens.

Agro Workout

So… started the new workout this week. Even though I design and sell workouts (performanceworkouts.com), I wanted to mix it up. I turned to friend, former teammate and workout guru, Echo Charles, for his expertise advice. I’m not sure if he’s fucking with or what, but I’m thinking the workout is a little (lot) over the top. But you know… what the fuck, I’ll do it. I trust him (kind of). I wanted some thing different… and different is what I got. I’m thinking if I stick with I can get back to THIS in a month (probably two).

Monday
Bench Press - 4x15
DB Lat Raise - 3x15 superset w/
DB Shrug - 3x9
DB Shrug - 1x12
Barbell Curl - 4x15
Triceps Pushdown - 4x15

Tuesday
Cable Rows - 3x15
Lat Pulldown - 3x15
Shoulder Press - 4x12
DB Lat Raise - 3x12 superset w/
DB Shrug - 3x9
DB Curl - 6x12
Triceps Extension - 6x12

Wednesday
Cable Row - 3x12
Lat Pulldown - 3x12
DB Bench - 4x12
DB Incline Bench - 3x10
Squat - 3x12

Thursday
DB Incline Bench - 4x6-8
DB Lat Raise - 3x8 superset w/
DB Shrug - 3x8
Barbell Curl - 4x6
Triceps Pushdown - 4x6

Friday
Cable Rows - 3x8
Lat Pulldown - 3x8
Shoulder Press - 4x8
DB Lat Raise - 3x6 superset w/
DB Shrug - 3x6
DB Curl - 6x8
Triceps Extension - 6x8

Side Note: After two days, can barely move. Threw up after yesterday’s workout.

DB = Dumbbell

High Alert

Fuck-n-a (or is it “fucking-a”). I’m all for heightened security, but damn… wine. Orange alert just took me for 4 bottles of vino. Like good wine. Like 200+ dollars worth of good wine. I take full responsibility, but… damn.

I read everything you couldn’t bring on the plane… no mention of wine. Glanced at the display table with everything you couldn’t bring... no wine. So… apparently, liquid… means… liquid. Doh. Unfortunately I didn’t learn the wine’s fate until my ride was 20 minutes gone and only 10 minutes before the flight. I was left with one option… toss it. 200 bones down the drain. Ended up giving it to a southwest pilot. Come to think of it… I hope he wasn’t scheduled to fly later that day.

Side note: they got me for a bottle of cologne too (Givenchy). Bastards.

Home Sweet Home

Ahhh… home sweet home. You never realize how good you had it (maybe it’s just me) until you’ve been gone for awhile. It’s kind of funny (scary) how the second I return home I automatically resort to my old ways. Doesn’t matter if it’s been two years or two months… when I walk through the door I’m 15 again. I don’t put away my dishes, don’t make my bed, pee on the toilet seat, fight with my brother… shoot, I even hit my mom up for money. I guess I’m just a spoiled mama’s boy (but not a spoiled brat, big difference).

In all seriousness, it felt really really good going home this weekend. The best night sleep I’ve had in three months. It doesn’t get much better… the smell, the voices in the background, my bed (pullout), gourmet dinners (from the best personal chef in the world... my bro), the wine, napping on my “nap couch,” relaxing in the backyard, watching local sports (49ers, Giants, etc), reading the paper in the morning, eating at Nini’s, La Cumbre, Tres Amigos and Trag’s, and of course, hitting mommy up for a couple twenties. ;)

Rule #623

My life is controlled by self imposed rules and regulations. I am a man of fixed and unbending principles… the first of which is to be flexible at all times. With that being said, these rules are simply guidelines used in an attempt to keep myself in check.

The most recent addition to my fixed and unbending principles is Rule #623 (arbitrary number)… thou shall not consume more than SIX alcoholic beverages on any given night (does not apply to special events and house gatherings). This rule was put in place for a number of reasons, none of which I’ll discuss. Okay maybe I discuss a few… after six stiff drinks I’m more than buzzed, but not drunk, my inhibitions are defused, I’m conscious of what I’m doing, and not hungover the next morning/afternoon.

Side Note: the two nights I’ve applied rule #623 have been the best since moving to SD. The others ones I just don’t remember (kidding… kind of).

YouTube Classics

Hilarious video clips according to me...

Oh... fffhuh... shit! Poor guy.


"Do you need help... Little Man?" Classic.


Wow… talk about a Freudian slip. Clean it up Shepard.


Oh i'm laughing... at you!


I'm thinking fake. So violent nontheless.


Another throw-up clip, but this is the real deal. Never gets old.


K... this is really painful (but funny) to watch. I think it's 37 degrees in Athens. HA. Louis really needs to get a little more comfortable in front of that blue screen.


Just painful.


I'm easily amused.


I could pretty much post every Scare Tactics episode.


Favorite movie scene of all time.


Great story. Teared me up (with joy).

Killing Me...

It’s official… I HATE airplanes. Especially the ones that fly directly over my place from 6 in the morn to midnight. You’d think after two plus weeks I’d be use to it.  Nope! Killing me. Slowly but surely, killing me.
That is all.

Ikea Nightmare

For better or worse I purchased my first piece of Ikea furniture today. I just moved into a new place and needed something for the books and clothes. Solution… 5 x 5 cubbyhole bookshelf.

My room is on the small side so I decided to assemble the bookshelf in the front room and move it into the bedroom once built. The bookshelf came in three heavy ass boxes and with a million pieces (maybe two million). Within 15 minutes the bookshelf was starting to take form. In my head I was literally thinking, “this has to be some kind of record for putting this together.” Right after I said that to myself, Jade (roommate), walks into the room and asks, “How the fuck are you getting that monstrosity in your room?”
For whatever reason I was positive it would squeeze down the tiny hallway, around the sharp corner and into the doorway. I took the top board (which hadn’t been assembled) and tried turning the corner with it. DOH! One inch too long. I was 80% finished!

I sat there for a good ten minutes trying to figure out what the F to do. Taking it apart would be a complete disaster. Moving it as is was not an option (fall apart). So I decided to take it in the room in five sections. Once the sections were in the room it was just a matter of piecing it back together. Easier said than done. All I had to do was put the wood pegs in the hole (always been a problem for me). Problem was… there were seven unstable pieces with pegs that had to be placed in the hole(s) at the same time. Adding to the level of difficulty was the fact that it was now sitting on a carpet that was uneven.
I’d place a couple pegs in and the others would fall out. Then I’d place the ones that just fell out back in and others would fall out. This went on for 20 minutes or so. I was dripping sweat, my blood was boiling and I was on the verge of going postal. Finally I swallowed my pride and asked Jade for some reinforcement to stabilize the boards. In the end it all worked out, but… serious pain in the ass. Granted its Ikea furniture… it looks good, the price was right and it’s serving its purpose.

Bookstore Etiquette

As much as I frequent bookstores, I’m never quite sure what the proper rules of procedure are. Can I sit in a bookstore all day and read whatever book I choose front to back? Am I allowed to talk softly on my cell phone? Am I allowed to carry on a conversation with the person I’m with? Can I sit in the bookstore café and do homework or read books without buying anything (my primary question)? When I’m done looking through my stack of books should I put them back? This doesn’t have to do with etiquette, but is it wrong that I browse through books at a bookstore only to purchase them on Amazon? Just curious.

Side Note: As I’m sitting here (in the bookstore cafe) with my Italian soda (not because I wanted one, but because I felt obligated to purchase) I notice a guy cutting and eating a peach… is that proper etiquette (bringing own food)?

That is all.

The Streets "Dry Your Eyes"

Street poet.  Master story teller.